epicrapbattlesofhistoryfandomcom-20200222-history
User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/Jack Torrance vs Jack the Ripper- Epic Rat Battles of Horror Season 1
HEEEEEEEEERE'S NOAH! So today, it's time for yet another Epic Rat Battles of Horror... and this time, it's the battle of the murderous Jack's. (Again), and today, we've got a special guest- And by we I mean me, but I've got a special guest, none other then BackToTheFuturama96! (You know who he is, I shouldn't have to link him xD) This suggestion actually COMES from him, so I don't have a suggestion to write in the You Decide! Part, but you get the point Jack Torrance, the complete batshit psycho from the Shining (Another Stephen King character? Another Stephen King character) trades blows with London's very own Jack the Ripper. There isn't really much to comment on, other then that the finale (NEXT BATTLE!) won't get a preview, and won't be out for a whiiiile. Point aside, let's get started! Cast Cast: Jack the Ripper- DanBull Jack Torrance- EpicLLOYD Eyeless Jack (Cameo)- NicePeter Beat- Secret Identities Introduction EPIC RAT BATTLES OF HORROOOOooooOooOOooOOOOoR! VS! BEGIN! The Battle Jack Torrance: HEEEEEEEERE'S JOHNNY! Against this officious prick with amazingly low caliber! It's time to slash the Leather Apron like this is Texas Chainsaw Massacre! Any slut who didn't put out for you most likely got dismembered, Trust me, you don't wanna mess with me, doc, ('cause I just lost my temper)… You're all work and no play, dissecting whores like it's your profession But this dull boy from Whitechapel is about to receive a painful aggression, My raps'll leave you Frozen, I guess you just can't Let it Go- So I've got four letters From Hell for you, Jacky Boy: G-T-F-O! Jack the Ripper: Dear boss, today, I brutally slaughtered a mustached Neanderthal victim I Overlook your achievements and all I see is your constant alcoholism- You’re no psycho, Bore-ance, you’re just overflowing with vanity, People never discovered who I was, but you were killed by your family! Your victory has been denied but I think it’s cute that you tried, I’ll prove your legacy is one of lies when I break your Elizabeth Stride, Refer to this finest of mastermind giants as the highest, or just keep silent, You’re just spineless and mindless and would be better left off eyeless Jack Torrance: I'll bash your fucking brains in; you're a British scumbag phony, Who's fuller of baloney than my son Danny's finger, Tony! I've got all day to beat you; I'll defeat you forever and ever and ever, This battle's practically over. Look at the polls: You're winning? Never! I'm a-maze-ing! I'm King! I'm IT ! Your corpse'll float like a fucking balloon! Sherlock Holmes can't save you now, you insane, caped, limey buffoon- It's too late to save yourself, it's midnight now, time to Unmask! And to quote Nichols, Chapman, Stride, Eddowes, and Kelley: "Go to hell, Jack" Jack the Ripper: This ugly mess expresses his distress whenever he’s messing with the best, So instead I’ll rip off his fucking earlobe and send them to London press! You’re a tumor on humanity’s future, with a sadistic sense of sickly humor, So I’ll be shooting you down faster than stupid Royal Family rumors- So back up this instant, or the walls will be painted with blood and lipstick, Your grotesque ass will be twisted once you step into my Red Light District, You’ll lament if you think I’m a dement here for you to vent your torment- So here’s the special- Killing you and your bitch friend, calling it a Double Event Jack Torrance: I'll beat you like George Hatfield, break you like Danny's arm, You're a Vlad the Impaler hack wannabe! ha. ha. You can't cause me no harm (Ergh!) I can't stand this any further! You're an absurd introverted pervert, So fuck you! You've just been a victim to old Jack Torrance's lyrical... Jack the Ripper: Although I can say I’m having fun listening to you throw a fit and shout, I’m out! Don’t go to bed, or you’ll wake up with one less kidney to worry about- Here the creak of the floorboards as I leave this whore feeling sore, I’d normally kill you, but all of my victims have had sex before… WHO WON? WHO’S NEXT? YOU DECI- AUGHAGLA… …GAaah… (Stabbing noise) GAAAAaah… (Stabbing noise) …heeeere’s EPIC RAT BATTLES OF HORRORRRR! ... (Signed, Jack the Ripper) Outro Who won? Jack the Ripper Jack Torrance Category:Blog posts